Some Men Walk Away From Their Children

I didn’t understand it until I married one

I hear my three boys chatting in the kitchen.

“Dad called,” says my son. “Big surprise there’s a game on.”

It’s been a year since I initiated the divorce. My kids are discussing the realization their father only looks for them when he needs someone to watch sports with.

I call my husband.

“Look,” I say. “One of our boys is away at college most of the year. One of them is seventeen and naturally becoming independent and looking for you less. But our youngest has just started his freshman year. He’s only fourteen and I know he misses seeing his dad.”

“I drive him to carpool,” he says.

“Yes,” I say. “Because two mechanics have said my ten-year-old car is unsafe to drive. When I tell you I need a car, you tell me I am the one who wanted a divorce. I need to get my own car and I tell you I need a job to get a car and a car to get a job.”

My husband does not feel bad. He is unmoved our boys are troubled by his absence. The fact he lives just a few miles down the road and passes our street each day makes it more painful.

Nothing changes.

Throughout the five-year divorce, there will be no weeknight dinners. There will be no weekend overnights. He will show up to their athletic games and call every month or so to watch a game. My one son will spend a few weeks with him here and there as his father undermines my parenting.

After the divorce, the pattern ensues.

He does not look for our children. And he continues to be absent on holidays. Worse, he now makes plans for a few of them and then cancels on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and Father’ Day.

And he still lives within several miles.

Pre and post-divorce, the commute is five minutes.

Here’s where the story gets more hurtful. He now has a girlfriend. The man who is continually unavailable can drive forty minutes and spend every weekend with her. And cancel on our boys to spend holidays with her.

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