Jonesing For A Diagnosis

HUMOR

I’ll settle for your best guess

I told a girlfriend once, “I have a self-induced speech impediment.”

We broke up.

Not because of the impediment. We broke up because I kept saying things like, “I have a self-induced speech impediment.”

What scares me is that she’s still out there somewhere telling everyone about my big impediment.

ME: Would you please stop telling everyone about my enormous impediment?

EX: Do I know you?

ME: It’s been a long time and I’ve aged very well. That’s probably why you don’t recognize me.

Back in those days, like in these days, my speech problem came and went, and it had to do with the letter S.

I remember flagellating myself with my tongue, with Jesus tied to the end of my tongue. I know you’ve been there.

But for those who haven’t been there, here’s what I mean:

When Jesus possesses something like a shoe or a puppy, you write it this way:

But some people say you write it like this:

JESUS: Actually, it’s both. Stop trying to solve paradoxes. They’re paradoxes. They’re meant to make you wonder.

THE WORLD: We’re going to kill you.

JESUS’S PUPPY: Not if I kill you first.

Anyway, so I’d push myself to say the most difficult version of possessive Jesus — Jesus’s — to punish myself for my difficulty, to give my tongue a workout, force it to be stronger, sharper.

Related posts:

And for those who like to argue on everything — sure some men too but 1% of the 1/10th so we’ll talk about that towards the extreme end. Now, for those who are like “what does this even mean? — I…

I was surfing the net buying a Chantal Copper Fusion Risotto Pan (4 qt) from Chantal.com for $119.95 at 52% off (regular price $250.00) and was looking on Youtube.com to refresh my memory about how…

As much as examples of how to do something well, examples of how not to do things are just as valuable. Something about learning from your mistakes or not repeating history or something… Stock photos…